If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
