He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
