I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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