i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
