end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
