I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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