Moan for me like Helen Keller
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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