you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
