I'm eating all of the evidence.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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