$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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