My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
