Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
