i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
