Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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