You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
