This is not my ceiling
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
