u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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