He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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