hotel room ftw
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
