peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
