If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
