I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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