you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
