Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
