The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
