There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The power of my boobs compel you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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