Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
