swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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