I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
