Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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