Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
