Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
