He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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