she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
