im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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