Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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