I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i will never coherently bang her
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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