True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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