I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
