We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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