: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
