Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
