Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
