Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
