He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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