I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I cockslap morals
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
