dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
