As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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