I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
