If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
