God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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