and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
