In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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