i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When did angry sex become our thing?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
