seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
