She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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