remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
