I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
