dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
