in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
