if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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