I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
