so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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