someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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