ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
