haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
