he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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