you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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