I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
