She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
