dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
