He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
