I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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