I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize