...so i touched it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
