Is it because I queefed?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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