If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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