We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
