I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
