There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
