So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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