I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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