I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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