Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
