tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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