he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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