he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
