I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
