so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sorry about my life...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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