my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
