and you said cock pushups were impossible
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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